Dealing with an out of control child

Posted by: candimich on: June 5, 2009

• In: parenting
• 1 Comment

Okay so dealing with an out of control child is what’s on every parent’s mind at some point.  I was just talking to a friend of mine whose son has really been giving her a hard time lately.  I thought back to my years of working in childcare and my own personal experience as a mom.  Thought I would share my thoughts. 

For one thing the majority of children act out for attention.  It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative attention, so it’s important to give attention when good behavior is seen.  Always tell your children when they are doing a good job.  It can be with anything.  You can say something like, “Wow, I see that you are coloring so nicely in the lines.  Great job!”  or “Oh my goodness, have you been sitting here eating this quietly all this time?  Great job!”.  Kids love praise…

One thing that I hear all the time is that people, even as adults, remember not being praised for the good they have done, but rather scorned for the negative.  It is so important to use praise because children learn fast which actions get an adult’s attention.  Rewards are great when used wisely, but if you offer rewards for everything you may be asking for a bigger tantrum when you don’t have them available. 

If you choose to use rewards, a great way to do this is by using a sticker chart.  These are great because they make it easy for children to see a visual of their progress.  If you tell a child, “Hey, you just did a great job… wait until the end of the week, because if you keep up the great work you’ll get a surprise!”  Your child (especially a younger child) will most likely not remember or understand what you mean.  When you set up a weekly chart  you can allow your child to receive a sticker on the chart when he or she does their chores, or for the little ones if they have used their manners. Get creative because the whole idea is to show them that they can receive positive praise for good behavior.

For example, if you have trouble getting your child to bed at night, you can give him or her a sticker when they do a good job at bed time. At the end of the week, if your child has done well overall (in the beginning it may be hard for them to get a sticker everyday) you can reward them with anything you choose. The sticker chart acts as a reference for children.  They can see their progress and they will be anticipating what will happen at the end of the week.  Since my kids love family movie night, I could let them choose a movie for this activity. You can also do allowance or the park… It all depends on what your child likes and what you choose for him or her.  Here’s a site that has a huge variety of cool stickers at very reasonable price… (FYI I have been told that a lot of dental offices use this company) 
450 BUBBLEGUM SCNTD MINI DOTS

In any case, your best bet and most effective method is to give praise because even as adults people like to know that their actions are seen and appreciated.